Always Have a Theme

There is never a good reason to go out for a big night without costumes and themes.

Who wants to be just another blue-polo and khakis guy? A dress-shirt sweater vest guy? Or even a tight jeans, ironic t-shirt, converse all-stars guy? Well, I guess the same people who love their boring jobs and wonder why I’m wasting my time on a blog instead of trying to make partner/analyst/director.  Fuck them!Here’s a great theme idea you can try right in your very own home. It’s called: Pubcrawl Golf.

Step one to a successful round of Pubcrawl Golf is a trip to your local Salvation Army thrift store, where you’ll be putting together your uniform. Creativity and individual flair are encouraged, but here’s an example of a great ensemble, recently worn by a handsome and charming blogger of our mutual acquaintance:

– Plaid knee-high socks

– Checkered shorts

– Pink polo

– Light-green sweater, haughtily tossed over the shoulders and knotted across the chest

– Tuque with pom-pom

Step two is organizing the pub crawl. Phone some bars, rent a bus if necessary, and buy stick-on bracelets from the dollar store. Or better yet, get someone else to do all that for you. Or even better-er yet, wait until your young professionals network holds their own pub crawl, and show up belligerently drunk, dressed like an idiot, and wholly uninterested in the mature, low-volume networking that usually goes on at such events. Bonus points if you are also the representative for your department on said young professionals network.

Step three is to make up rules and choose what drinks will be drunk for each hole. Again, this is more fun if you make your own up, taking into account your personal alcohol tolerance and thirst for adventure, but I will provide mine as an example:

The Course

(First three holes are on a buddy’s deck before the actual pub crawl)

1) Mandatory shotgun. Score is inverse rank of finishing order – Par 3.

2) Random beers drank during Predrink, score is 6 minus total beers drank – Par 3

3) Parting shot and mandatory shotgun – Par 4

(Pub Crawl begins)

4) Jagerbombs – Par 2

5) Pint of Guinness – Par 5

6) Mixed drink of choice – Par 3

7) Shot and beer (type of shot chosen by the best score thus far) – Par 6

8) Tequila shots (11pm) – Par 3

9) Irish Carbombs (midnight) – Par 5

The Rules

1) Each hole is optional, but skipping one is a 10-stroke penalty.

2) Every man must find a hot female caddy for each bar-drink to write down his score. No repeats throughout the night.

3) There is a one-stroke bonus for whoever finds the best/hottest caddy. Whoever won the previous “best caddy” award gets choose the next recipient.

4) Every man must yell FORE! before each drink.

5) Ordering water is a one-stroke water hazard penalty

6) Complaining about being drunk is a 1-stroke “Sandy vagina trap” penalty.

And that’s pub crawl golf. Now go get drunk! Live! Laugh! Tell stories about it for years to come! And not that you should be doing this for any reason other than that it’s hilarious but….

When you’re dressed up, having loud fun with your friends, and playing a game that demands you go talk to new hot girls all the time – you’ll be a lot more successful than the other 95% of guys who stand and sip their beers all night, staring menacingly at the dance floor in their blue shirts and khakis.