A Man’s Workout

Lots of people work out.

And yet, most of them are fat and weak.


Even the buff gym rats with forearm veins and dancing pecs don’t actually have bodies that are useful for anything other than attracting fake-tanned girls with double-digit IQs. What’s the point in spending 10 hours per week in the gym if you can’t swim a lap, throw a punch, or even climb a friggin tree?

These people all have the same problem: They aren’t working out like men.

So what is a manly workout? I’m so glad you asked:

Manly: Large compound movements that challenge the entire body (squats, kettleball swings, deadlifts)

Not Manly: Dinky exercises to “target” individual muscle groups (calves, delts, mid-upper abs)

Manly: Punishing your body until it begs for mercy when you’re feeling strong, taking it easy if you aren’t.

Not Manly: Rigorously adhering to a predetermined number of sets/reps and marking it all in a little pink diary with a lock on it.

Manly: Explosive movement that require balance and coordination in addition to brute force.

Not Manly: Cable-pulley tricep extensions

Manly: Trying out yoga and pilates classes without being afraid of looking not-manly.

Not Manly: Hopping around like a spastic twit to top 40 dance music in an aerobics class. Seriously, middle-aged men, what is the appeal?

Manly: Martial Arts

Not Manly: Cross-country skiing

Manly: Sprinting

Not Manly: Jogging


I think you’ve got the idea. Work out like wild animal. GRRRRRR