A Cautionary Tale

“Women respond viscerally in their vagina area to unpredictability, mixed signals, danger, and drama in spite of their best efforts to convince themselves otherwise. Managing your relationship in such a way that she is left with a constant, gnawing feeling of impending doom will do more for your cause than all the Valentine’s Day cards and expertly performed tongue love in the world. Like it or not, the threat of a looming breakup, whether the facts justify it or not, will spin her into a paranoid estrogen-fueled tizzy, and she’ll spend every waking second thinking about you, thinking about the relationship, thinking about how to fix it. Her love for you will blossom under these conditions.”

-Roissy/Heartiste on Dread:

Today I’m going to tell you a story. Like most, it’s about a girl.

Jessica is very beautiful. Six feet tall. Half-Japanese. Yoga instructor. Former runway model.

Not only does this girl literally stop traffic, she’s also a pretty decent person. Very close with her friends and family. Sweet. Reasonably intelligent. More traditionally-minded and family-oriented than most girls in her generation. At twenty-six, she is entering husband-shopping mode.

Jessica is in the process of breaking up with her boyfriend. Why, you ask? Well, because after a few months, she’s just not feeling it anymore. She’s going through a transitory phase in her life, and it’s been very confusing for her. She’s been busy, and she’s not sure if she has time for a relationship. There are other reasons, but they are equally vapid. She’s not aware of it of course, but the simple fact is that she has ceased to be attracted to her soon-to-be-ex-boyfriend, and her brain is furiously concocting nice-sounding rationalizations to soothe his self-esteem, and her own. We’ll call this boyfriend Gallant.

Just prior to Gallant, Jessica was dating (although I use the term loosely) Goofus. Jessica fell hard for Goofus, and stayed madly in love with him right up until the day she broke it off after a year or so together. Ending the relationship took an admirably healthy dose of personal strength, in a triumph of head over heart that most girls today would not be able to muster. Throughout their relationship, Goofus was treated like gold. Monogamy was never expected from him. A blind eye was turned towards evidence of other women in Goofus’s life.

It would be difficult to overstate the contrast between Jessica’s feelings for Goofus and Gallant, even though the two men were similar in many ways:

– They are both fairly, though not superlatively, good-looking

– They both had similarly prestigious and decent-paying jobs

– They both carried themselves with confidence and swagger

– They both loved Jessica very much

So why did one of these men earn a year of commitment-free happiness from Jessica, and the other a few months of quickly-waning lukewarmth?

The answer in a word, is Dread. From the beginning, Gallant was the picture of stability, devotion and predictability. He wore his heart on his sleeve. When Jessica told him she was having doubts about their relationship, he begged her to reconsider and immediately changed his facebook profile picture to one of them posing together. Gallant is sitting at home right now, wondering what the hell happened, since he has never given Jessica any reason to worry about their relationship. He’s a simple man, who prefers to stay in and watch movies than go hit on girls. He would rather take a vacation to an all-inclusive Caribbean resort than to a far-off exotic country. Presumably, he just wants to work hard, develop his career, and provide for a loving family. And he’s confused why his plans don’t seem to be working out.

Meanwhile, Goofus kept Jessica in a constant state of fear that he was about to leave. He was moody. Unpredictable. Would go days without calling. In fact, I would not be surprised if he had read and was implementing Roissy’s Dread post, as he was an open and avowed pick-up artist. Despite her repeated requests, he refused to put a label on their relationship, but she still harbored a delusional trust that he was faithful. Still, on multiple occasions, Jessica was forced to acknowledge incontrovertible evidence that Goofus was sleeping with other women, and while there were occasional fireworks, she stayed with him throughout.

 

Although some details have been changed to protect the innocent, this story is true in every important detail. Men of the 21st century, this is the world you live in. You cannot choose how that world treats the real-life Goofus’ and Gallants. All you can choose is which path you take.

Will you sacrifice yourself on the funeral pyre of marriage and commitment in the western world? Will you offer your body, your freedom, your emotional well-being, in defense of morals and ideals that those around you have given up on? Will you take your place as a white knight fighting for a lost cause, acting the gentlemanly fool with archetypal North American women who will only punish you for your decency? If so, then you are reading the wrong blog. Turn off your computer and start looking for a second job. You’ll need it when the divorce lawyers come knocking.

As men of this era, we must be extremely cautious with regard to the trust we lend to the women with whom we associate. Don’t be the sucker taking girls on $100 dinner dates. Don’t be the sucker thinking your girl is exclusive while she heads out for a “ladies night” and hooks up with whichever man captures her drunken attention. Don’t be the sucker paying half your salary in child support and alimony for presents and vacations for your ex-wives new boyfriends, while your flesh and blood wears clothes from the Salvation Army. You have to be smarter than that, and you have to be colder than that. You have to be cynical.

Is this sad? Actually, it’s not so bad. My tune may change in a decade or so, but for now, there’s never been a better time to be a young single man who understands the nature of female psychology. It’s a hard world for beta men, but they can always learn to stop being betas.

But I’ll tell you who I really feel sorry for: The decent women. Because they’re out there, they’re going to try to find good men, but all they’re going to find is a generation of men like me. Hopefully gentlemen, for your own sake, men like you. We are cynical because we have to be, for our own protection.

Good luck out there, ladies.